3 years today. Practically how long I actually knew her. It drives me mad to think of everything she's missed. Everything I missed. It's never over. It's never better. And it's not like things are going to change. Soon it will be four years, five. So much more is going to happen that I'll wish she was there for. I'll never even get to tell her about it.
I wonder if she's in me at all. Physically. One thing she was always fascinated with, and I too, was how matter was transferred. That every little part of us was once a part of something else. Possibly something titanic, like a star or a volcano. And eventually, every part that is us will be a part of something else. Like I might have a part of George Washington's fingernail in my ear, or dinosaur poop. I just now wonder, maybe a little too morbidly, if anything that was once her is now me. I'd like to think that maybe my chances aren't great, but there certainly is one. Geographically speaking, my chances are greater than a lot of people out there and there are plenty of bits in a person to go around. It'd just be nice to know.
I've decided I won't die patient.
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