Grey Havens

I just posted all the good pictures from the trip on Facebook. There certainly were a lot. In all, I took over 1100, about 700 of them being blurry. It's so hard to look at these pictures and remember these things yet know that the photo itself does so little justice for what happened.

I've been trying to describe how I feel. What exactly are my reasons for running every day and doing sit ups and shit and buying pork and chicken and eating better and watching myself. It's a strange thing and as much as I've started doing these things before and stopped very soon, I don't think I'm going to this time.

The closest I can come to finding some relation is at the end of Return of the King when Frodo is going with Gandalf and Bilbo and the elves to the Grey Havens. He just has to go. The pain is to great. But even that is terribly overdramatic and too tangible an idea. I don't have to leave Chicago and I certainly don't plan on it any time soon. I just have to let some other things go, I think. Or embrace new things more openly. Really I just think I have to take better care of myself in every aspect of my life.

If I were to become a rapper, I think the first line of the first rap song I would write would be, "I make mistakes like a baker bakes cakes, my talent allows for so much more but it's all anyone seems to be calling for." Maybe more swearing and refernce to a ho-ma. Well then... Jeffinitely is born today.

Maybe I will use this silly thing to post some poems. I wrote probably over a dozen on this trip and I have notes for 5 more, and they all suck. It's kind of wonderful. You can all tell me where things blow and where things suck, and even where some things might not suck as hard as they blow, but they are kinda shitty. I swear, if I don't get into grad school, I'm moving back home and measuring carpet for the rest of my life. And no, that's not a sexual reference.

Job hunting is the worst thing ever. 588,000 was the latest number I heard as to Americans on unemployment benefits currently. And after that, even Steph got laid off. I also hear that the unemployment office, specifically Chicago, is incredibly understaffed. So, those of you who needs these benefits, get on the bus now. There's no time for people to be constantly checking up on you and making sure you abide by all the ridiculousness that is unemployment. This money is yours anyway, take advantage of it while you can.

AWP is next week. I'll be participating on Thursday, February 12th at 5pm for Bronze Man Books. It's at the Hilton downtown. I think a signing or something. Big celebrity type stuff. Maybe someone will love me so much they'll write me a huge check. Those things happen right?

Bruce is right though. About poets. He never said it was the right thing to do per se, but why put it in Jungleland if it isn't?

"The poets down here don't write nothing at all, they just stand back and let it all be."



Of course it's right. Stop writing, everyone. You can't write everything, nor should you.